Friday 30 April 2010

From dedicated emploee to gonzo traveller

Well soon the travel blog will begin again as I take off on another great adventure. This time its down the coast on historic highway 101. With my drum in one hand and my anthology of beat poetry in the other I’m going to take off for sunny California. I’m looking forward to trying out the bohemian lifestyle for a little while, surfing couches, experiencing nature, and generally bumming around. This is really the beginning of a summer of travel and personal exploration. In order to preserve a flexible schedule to accommodate a trip to California and a trip to Guatemala, I was forced to put both of my jobs on a temporary and possibly permanent hiatus. It was with mixed feelings that I gave up the life of the employed. Especially in this economy with lots of people desperately seeking work it seemed rather silly to give up work for unknown adventures. But I have been told that life benefits those who take risks and I’m sure that most of us do not look back on our lives and say in our heads, “man, I wish I worked more!” So here’s to owning your own time, and making of it what you will.

Before I once again delve back into gonzo travel writing I want to insert two entries here about the work world. One about the joys of catering and one about the challenges of coaching younguns. So sit back, relax, sip on a cold one, and enjoy.

CATERING

The Governor Hotel sits in the middle of downtown Portland on 11th and Alder, next to a Starbucks and across the street from a cluster of food carts. In front of the main entrance valets dressed in funny suits chat with doormen, who also wear funny suits. It has several dining rooms on the second, third, and fourth floor. Because of the age of the hotel the rooms have names which are suggestive of culture and splendor such as ‘the grand ballroom’ ‘the billiard room’ and ‘the fireside lodge’. Back in the day the hotel was a private club for wealthy men, a place where old white guys would gather to smoke cigars, drink bourbon, and make fun of their wives.

Today the ballrooms in the governor hotel play host to a variety of private parties, all serviced by Jake’s catering, my employer. I work at Jake’s as a caterer, not as a server in the restaurant which is housed in a connecting building. This is an important distinction. While restaurant servers deliver food to a rotating group of different people at the same group of tables every day, caterers work by the party. Each event is different and requires a different level of service, a different room set-up, and a different time table. Unlike servers we do not get cash tips every night. Instead our gratuity is put into our paycheck at the end of each pay cycle. The gratuity rate is not based on our own individual performance but how the company did overall in the last two weeks. Because of this the caterer pays less personal attention to the guests than the server would. We do not introduce ourselves, we do not provide descriptions of the menu, we do not go the extra mile to ensure a wonderful guest experience because, quite frankly, we don’t have to. I’m getting my tip whether you liked my service or not…sucker.

The caterer’s job is simple. Every day we do the same thing with slight variations. I clock in, affix my bowtie to my neck, don my white jacket with ‘Jake’s’ lettering on the chest, and grab a piece of paper stuck on the bulletin board which tells the details of the event I am working on that day. One of the cool things about the job is that I never know what kind of event I am going to be working at on any given day until I grab the Banquet event order sheet. It could be a fundraiser for the college of naturopathic medicine, or a wedding, or an end of the year party for the electrical worker’s union of Oregon, or a wine tasting for the Oregon Pinot Noir society. The most important part of the sheet to look at is the projected start and end time. This is what gives me an idea of what time I am going to get off work that day.

Once we put on our catering duds we pour water, and coffee, and juice. We set glasses and bread rolls on the tables. We outfit service stands with water pitchers, and tea bowls, and extra napkins to cover up dirty dishes (God forbid the guests see a dirty dish). We always have a pre-meal meeting when our manager tells us all about the event and how we should service it. Often our boss, Nong, will enter the room and give us a talk about how this particular event is very important to business and that we have to remember to practice good customer service. In his accented English he will tell us, “It is vewy important that we treat the customer well. That means remembering to serve the lady first, knowing what type of wine you are serving, what type of food we are serving, always serving from the left and pulling dishes from the right.” The worst part of this emphasis on customer service is Nong’s insistence that we offer to dress each customer’s salad. I always feel incredibly silly picking the dressing up off the table and offering it to each guest, as if they are small infants who are incapable of pouring some vinaigrette on their own greens.

After the pre-meal we are sent back out on the floor which is what we call the room that we are serving the meal in. Once the guests arrive we serve the breakfast, or the lunch, or the dinner. We put down plates, fill glasses, clear dishes. We stack up plates in the back, fill up racks with dirty glasses, throw copious amounts of food into the trash. We take a break and enjoy some free grub. Then its back to work. Once the guests are gone we clear out the entire room. We clear out trash and silverware and dishware and glassware. We strip the tablecloths off the tables and vaccum the floor. Sometimes we move in tables or take out tables. Someone brings up the tablecloths and silverware for the next event and we do ‘the set’. This involves preparing the entire room for the next event. Sometimes we don’t have to set for the next event if it won’t be occurring for a few days. This means that we do a ‘stack and vac, pull top linen,’ meaning that we stack up all the chairs, vaccum the floor, and get rid of the top tablecloth, leaving the bottom one on the table. This is the easiest way that events end and on Friday and Saturday night everyone prays for a stack and vac. After the dishes are sent to the dishpit and the back is mopped and everything is cleaned up one of my managers will tell me to take off. At this point I throw my jacket into a hamper, clock out, and leave the Governor.

And that’s it. That’s the job with some slight variation here and there. It’s routinized, largely unthinking work. It’s pretty easy work. There’s a decent amount of downtime, waiting for guests to arrive or finish eating. However, there are some periods of intense physical labour when we carry full plates of food into the room or empty plates out of the room. The trickiest part is paying attention to detail. Making sure that you haven’t forgotten to fill all the creamers on the table, or to check to see how many vegetarians are sitting at your section, or to grab the ketchup the woman requested while you were right in the middle of serving breakfast to people at another table.

The job itself isn’t highly interested or rewarding, but meeting the people who work at Jake’s makes it worth my time to work there. It is an incredibly diverse bunch of folks who work at the Governor. People work there for different reasons. There are people who see catering as a long-term career, there are people who see it as merely a pit-stop on the way to greater things, there are people who do it to pay the bills while they are going to school, there are people for whom it is a fall-back after a failure in another career, and there are people who see it as a trap from which they can never escape. There are the young, the middle aged, and a few of the old. There are Americans, Russians, Iranians, and Africans. There are the pot-heads and the alcoholics, the sweets fiends and the coffee hounds. There are the ecstatic, the bitter, the depressed, the resigned, the lethargic, and the manic. The thing that cracks me up most about the job is that, no matter how hard you work we are all paid the same and get almost the same amount of hours. So much for America being a meritocracy.

Some of my favorite people to work with are the long-term dudes. These are the older guys who have been doing the job for years and will be doing the job for years to come. They have all found ways to carve out happiness in a rather boring, unfulfilling job. One skill they all share is the ability to constantly look like they are working but, at the same time, never exerting too much energy. This is an invaluable skill because we do not have one of those jobs where you are free to relax and shoot the shit with coworkers when there is downtime on the job. Since our labor is not cheap the managers are always looking for ways to cut hours. If you appear to be slacking then they will send you home, or, potentially worse, assign you a menial chore. The strictest captain, (that’s what we call our managers) Victor, is notorious for assigning chores such as scrubbing down all the walls, counters, and sink surfaces with a brush and sudsy water or polishing all the silverware.

While the younger people are working frantically when the pressure is on, loading their trays to the brim with plates and glasses and then standing around not knowing what to do when their tasks are done the older guys pace their work out. The old timers are more likely fill up each tray to about ¾ capacity, knowing that once they clear it off all that’s waiting for them is another tray. The young people always want to finish the job quickly so they can rush off to whatever post work activities they are eager to enjoy. But the older timers realize that rushing is only going to wear you out faster, possibly lead to injury, and result in clocking out earlier and losing money.

One of my favorite co-workers is Phil. He is the catering philosopher. He always gives me tips on the correct way to do things. He can expound on the most banal subjects for an absurd amount of time. Some topics I have discussed with him include: how high to fill the creamers we set out on each table, how to carry water glasses, and how to organize items on your tray. Phil is in his 50’s working as a caterer and getting periodic cash from his mom to pay for health costs, but he thinks that he has it all figured out. Most of the other workers are annoyed by Phil because of his know-it-all ways and his tendency to take forever to do even simple tasks. He will often start with one task, such as setting down forks on a table, and then he will suddenly switch over to setting down plates or glasses instead. But, despite his shortcomings, I like Phil. I enjoy the confident, factual way he presents subjective opinions as objective truth. For instance, after one shift when we were changing into our street clothes he told me:

Well, we got 5 hours today, and that’s good enough. Generally I’m happy with anything over 4 hours. Anything less than that and it’s not worth your time to come down here and work. But 4 hours is enough money.

Phil delivered this statement with a calm assuredness, as if he was delivering the conclusion to a developed dissertation. But the term ‘enough money’ is completely subjective. Who knows what enough money is? That figure depends on the person. If I have tons of student loans, an extravagant lifestyle, or a gang of kids the target of ‘enough’ money is going to be set way higher than if I am a single, moderate individual living alone. But Phil has his system worked out and knows how much he needs to support himself and he assumes that everyone else should take a page out of his book.

Then there’s Hassan, another old-timer. He’s probably in his late 50’s, a dinosaur in an industry that demands a good amount of physical labour and long hours of standing on your feet. Hassan has lead an extremely interesting life. I only get tidbits of his history during lulls in the job so I have to piece his story together, weaving the isolated tales like pieces of a quilt into a cohesive whole. So far I have gleaned that he took part in the first Iranian revolution, he has lived in Russia and Germany, he has backpacked across most of Europe, and he has dated a woman who loves to bike ride in the nude. He is also politically active. One shift I saw him wearing a pin on his lapel and getting others to sign a form. He told me that he was getting signatures to petition the employers at his other catering job to give them a raise and pay them for some hours which had not been paid to them correctly.

My favorite thing about Hassan is his fastidiousness. When he changes clothes after his shift he is always immaculately dressed. He wears cotton wool vests, dress pants, and leather shoes, all the time. He often talks about the value of craftsmanship and how in his country you can buy a pair of individually tailored shoes that are much more comfortable than the factory produced shoes of this country. He also is careful about what he ingests. He loves tea, but only if it is seeped correctly and he enjoys coffee on rare occasions when he has time to prepare it and sit down to enjoy it. He will only drink coffee or tea from metal thermoses. He refuses to use paper cups because of their harm to the environment. Hassan lives at a neat, sedate pace. He enjoys gardening and preparing meals for himself with fresh ingredients. Hassan always seems busy at work. When he’s in the back he’s wiping down surfaces and when he’s on the floor he’s holding a cocktail tray, ready to take garbage from customers. But, he always has time for a chat and he doesn’t ever seem to wear himself out. If Phil is the catering philosopher then Hassan is the catering Buddha.

One of the most colorful employees is Albert. He is a Russian immigrant who speaks with a rolling accent. He is tall and desperately thin. His face is pinched and wrinkled, hair thin and graying. His teeth are a brown and black cobblestoned mess. Once in a while you might pass him in the back hallways and see him staring off into space, a thousand mile gaze in those black eyes. He has been known to kill time at work by riding up and down the elevator over and over again. He lives next to the hotel and will always eat his meals during breaks with lightening speed shoveling food into his mouth so that he has time to run back to his apartment and chain smoke a few cigarettes before his break ends. But, despite his strange demeanor, habits, and character, Albert retains a child-like humor, and a boyish exuberance which shines through his gruesome visage. He always whistles or turns on rock and roll music while we are putting out place settings. He likes to crack jokes and play pranks on coworkers. Albert doesn’t talk much about his life but rumors abound around the kitchen about him. Rumor has it that Albert was once a rock star in Europe. “I used to be the man, man.’ He tells me on one occasion. He has given several of his cds out. One of my favorite song titles on the cd is, “America, fuck you.” Albert will try to make you uncomfortable. He stands too close when he talks to you and he will grab your elbow or lightly poke you in the side on random occasions. He says things in order to be controversial. He asked my coworker Dominique if she knew where he could acquire food stamps. He told me during a shift that his leg was shaking because he drank too much wine the night before

When I worked as a caterer at my college there were only two groups of workers, the students and the non-students. The school liked to fill a certain percentage of the staff as student positions so they would hire us with little or no interview or pre-employment screening. I remember smoking a bowl of strawberry hash with my friend on a hill on the top of campus before going into my interview. I was pleasantly high when I entered the conference room. It was just the perfect level of stoned where I felt elated yet no sign of paranoia or worry creeped into my thoughts. The non-student workers were first or second generation immigrants of phillipino or latino descent. They were interviewed separately and given a separate payscale.

It was an interesting culture clash to have the sons and daughters of the bourgoise work next to these people whose financial well-being often depended on working 14 hour days at several different jobs. I remember one incident that occurred between a spoiled student and our manager. Our manager’s name was Pinky, a manic hard-working Phillipino woman who had moved to the states when her husband picked her out of a mail-order bride catalogue (no joke). Pinky acted as if her job hung in the balance on every shift we worked. She was in constant motion, setting tablecloths, running dishes, doing all the tasks at lightening speed. Brent was an effete, prissy first year who had signed up to do catering with the idea of collecting an easy paycheck. But catering is not one of those campus jobs where you can sit on your butt and collect some quick cash, like the library entrance desk attendant whose sole responsibility was to glance up from his/her reading material whenever anyone entered into the library. Brent didn’t like to lift anything over 10 pounds and considered clearing food off tables as, “icky.” He would often hide in the bathroom to avoid work. Pinky was infuriated at his lackadaisical approach. She couldn’t quite pronounce his name so she referred to him as ‘Branch.’ “That Branch, he worthless,” she would say. But that’s the difference between someone whose working to pay rent and someone whose working to pay for Subway sandwiches, beer, and weed, the three greatest expenses for a college student.

COACHING

If you know me then you know that I like to do physical tricks. I have explored breakdancing, free-running, gymnastics, partner acrobatics, pilates, yoga, and capoeira. All of these test the human body’s flexibility, balance, and strength. So it was with this interest in mind that I contacted a local gymnastics facility in January when I saw a posting on craig’s list looking for a gymnastics instructor. When I called the facility the director of the girl’s recreational gymnastics program, Lynne, my future boss, answered the phone. I started off the conversation by proving my acrobatic credentials. I mentioned the free-running club I had been involved with at Occidental. I mentioned the break dancing sessions I attended. I told her I could do a backflip, a backhandspring, a front punch. After I had finished running through my biography she asked me one question, “ok, but can you teach little kids? This job involves coaching 6-10 year old girls. You have to be able to put on your nice voice and sweet-talk. You have to control them in a loud and busy environment. You have to run a safe and fun class. Do you think you can handle that?”
“Oh yes, definitely, I love kids,” I responded. I expressed enough confidence that Lynne gave me the job but in reality I had no experience with kids and no idea what I was getting myself into. To be honest, I really just wanted to use their kick-ass trampoline and foam pit.
***
I knew my life had taken a torn for the weird when I learned how to tie up a girl’s hair into a ponytail using a rubber band. The girls had to tie their hair up at the beginning of class, but some forgot or weren’t capable of doing it themselves. I imposed the rule strictly, partially because it was a safety issue, but mainly because I was afraid of getting lectured by the head coach of the men’s team. Luke kept a watchful eye over the entire gym and whenever I felt his gaze on me I became very nervous, trying my best to keep some modicum of control over my little brats.
Coaching gymnastics is not an overly stressful job. I got to wear sweatpants to work every day and as a teacher in the recreational department there was no expectation that I mold these kids into serious gymnasts. I did, however, have to suffer quite a bit of abuse from my students. As a girls gymnastics coach I was seriously physically and emotionally abused by my kids. I am no match for 6,7, and 8 year old girls in terms of their combined physical strength or mental ingenuity. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids (this is the disclaimer that every person who works with children uses before they proceed to detail all the ways that they hate little goobers) but dealing with a rambunctious crew of tumbling tots can get to be pretty intense.
One day my intermediate class was getting very rambunctious. They were running around, screaming, jumping on equipment they weren’t supposed to be jumping on, and generally not paying attention. I leaned over to one of the particularly wild ones and asked her, “could you just do me a favor and take it easy on me today please?” She looked up at me, giving me an adorable smile that was missing several teeth, and said politely yet definitively, “no,” pulled her hand way back and delivered a full slap to my face.
Other students would jump on me and refuse to let go. They would latch their arms and legs around my torso or my back or my legs and hang there like barnacles on a rock. I would first try to coax them off with polite words, “I am not a jungle gym” I would say, or “there’s plenty of things to jump on in the gym, but I am not one of them.” Then, getting more fearful as they increased their death grips I would try a more direct approach, “alright, you really need to let go now.” Of course the child would simply laugh, delighting in my unease.
Then there were the personal questions. “Are you married?” “Do you have a girlfriend?” “How old are you?” “Why do you have holes in your ears?” At first I made the mistake of answering the questions truthfully, not realizing that this would simply lead to more follow up questions and future harassment.
I watched the goings on of the gym with some curiosity when I worked there. I was an outsider with a rare opportunity to see the operations of a tight-nit group of people. Competitive gymnastics draws a core group of followers who spend so much time together that they begin to gather attributes similar to those of a cult. I always found it funny that parents will pay the gym and the coaches thousands of dollars to train their kids in a sport which offers little or no opportunities for financial gain and is sure to give them some form of an eating disorder. But there are believers in the sport and most of the coaches at the gym stay for decades to mold wave after wave of students into acrobatic machines. One of the most interesting characters in the gym is Luke, the pony tail nazi. Luke is solidly built with a body which leans towards the chunky side. He is in good shape; he would often show up before his classes to practice basic tumbling and trampoline skills, but he had also relaxed his diet to include plenty of cookies and milk. He sports a large bushy beard and long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. But it is his voice that is the most intimidating thing about him. It is loud and rumbling. I remember typing in my attendance sheets in the office next to the gym after a class and hearing Luke berate a boy for goofing off as clearly as if he was standing right next to me. Luke is a strict coach who demands discipline and respect from his students. His lectures were not only loud but long as well. He would talk for minutes on end about one behavioral problem with a student, attacking the issue from every angle. I think of him as the bear of the gym. Once I found him taking a nap on a foam matt under the stationary rings. At first I thought he was a homeless person who had snuck into the gym to sleep of a hangover because of his hirsute appearance and dingy sweatpants. Several times I saw him grab boys and put them in headlocks, wrestling with them in a carefree manner. I never understood how he could do this without fear of sexual harassment lawsuits. In another strange practice coach Luke and coach Bryan would sit on top of boy’s shoulders while they sat in a straddle in an attempt to get them to stretch out to their maximum potential. This was just one of the many moments when I realized that gymnasts have a very strange obsession with molding their bodies into certain shapes, resulting in some rather hilarious stretches. One of the other memorable incidents occured when I happened to glance over at the high beams and see the entire girls team standing side by side on the beams, engaging in deep, synchronized squats.
The other boys team coach, Trent, is equally as strict and demanding as Luke but goes about managing his class in a completely different fashion. Where Luke will loudly and publicly discipline a student, Trent will quietly and calmly line his entire class up and lecture them for 10 minutes straight. Trent was so calm and collected in his disciplining techniques that I very rarely heard him speak. He never had to raise his voice to keep control of his kids. And, whereas Luke is a lapsed gymnast, Trent maintains his gymnastic form. I once saw him casually bust out a set of perfect flares on a pommel horse as a demonstration for his class and he is flexible enough that he can sit in a straddle and put his chest to the ground. The high point of Trent’s career was being part of a high bar act in cirque du soleil. My first day of work Trent talked to me for about 30 minutes about his cirque days, even showing me a video of the act. After that I never had another conversation with Trent of over a minute in length.
My last favorite character of the gym that I am going to mention here is teacher Torren. He always cracked me up, mostly because of his sheer goodness and earnestness, which, at first, I though had to be an act. Torren is the hardest working person I ever met. He goes to high school and takes tons of AP courses, he trains hours a day for the team gymnastics, competing for the all-around title, and he coaches boys and girls classes at the gym as well. I couldn’t believe his diligence until I found out that he is a mormon. Then it all made perfect sense. Of course he is incredibly productive, he never thinks about a beer at the end of the day or a coffee in the morning to wake him up. The only thing I ever saw that kid consume was oatmeal. And, the amazing thing is, that he seemed perfectly happy, content in his substance free tumbling and kid-filled world. The gym is Torren’s true home. He knows all the equipment, the foam blocks, the matts, where the dead spots on the spring floor are located. When he moves through the gym he literally bounds about, as if his legs were two pogo sticks. It’s Torren’s last year as a gymnast. Then its off to BYU for a year where he will be the school mascot, flipping and juggling (yes he’s a double threat) as Cosmo the cougar, then on a mission for two years, back to BYU for another three, then off to physical therapist school for another three. Within those nine years I’m sure Torren will marry a nice, Mormon woman and have nice Mormon kids. I always wondered if I should do the same thing Torren had done. Pick a life path which commits a decade of your time to good causes and follow through with it. This means that your life will have security, safety, and purpose. Instead I decided to quit my gymnastics job, pack up my belongings, and head out on an open ended roadtrip that will involve camping, seeing friends, and various forms of cardiovascular exercise, not necessarily in that order. So much for commitments.